Not True Love
We all live in parallel universes.
As we are all born with an instinctively self-serving, self-justifying nature and by default we can make calculations only for ourselves based on a completely self-centered “pleasure/pain principle”. There is only one person we can love naturally: ourselves.
We are unable to love another person, or actually anything outside of our own sphere considering what “true love” is.“True love” is not the usual instinctive, hormonal, pleasant, fluffy “love” people talk about in this world.
In this world I “love” what gives me a good, pleasant feeling and as soon as I don’t have that pleasant feeling for myself this “love” disappears.
The instinctive, natural motherly love making a previously proudly independent woman becoming a selfless, altruistic servant towards her baby doesn’t qualify for “true love”. A mother till the end of her life considers the child as part of her own body, thus in effect her love towards her child is still “self-love”.
And of course the hormonal infatuation “first time lovers” feel towards one another can’t qualify either. They fall in love with the excitement, pleasant sensation they themselves experience. And the moment they lose that excitement, pleasant sensation for themselves the “head over heels love” is also gone and forgotten.
True love is a completely selfless, altruistic and unconditional fulfillment of the desires of another without any personal considerations, calculations, distortions. In the case of “true love” the lover has absolutely no personal, selfish stake in loving the beloved other.
Such true love acts even if the beloved has no idea about the lover, even if the lover never received any feedback, acknowledgements for the love provided. Thus true love knows no boundaries since it is not based on any conditions, it simply flows out of the lover in an irrepressible manner.
Such true, altruistic love is unstoppable, indefensible and is capable of reaching anywhere, breaking through any boundaries and defense systems.
Thus for direct, true love towards another we would need to enter that other, fully revealing, understanding the desires, needs of that other so we could fulfill them perfectly, exactly how the beloved would want it.
On the other hand we can’t actually enter another to see what desires exist “in there”, and we can’t actually fulfill the desires of the other selflessly, perfectly, since for that I would need to become exactly like that other.
I can try to exit my selfish, subjective domain and try to become similar, “like the other”, but I can never become exactly that other instead of myself since for that I would need to completely disappear, dissolve in the beloved without a trace.
So in what conditions could we achieve that “true love”, and for what purpose would we need to pursue it?
Mutual, Indirect Love And Hate
We can only love, mutually fulfill each other in a truly selfless, unconditional and altruistic manner in a mutual, neutral place, where both the lover and the beloved are outside of their own spheres. And we can only create, establish such a neutral, selfless and transparent mutual space towards a common goal, purpose.
In terms of the usual “animate” desires of food, sex and family, and the “social” desires of wealth, dominion and knowledge we can help each other through regular channels, in the usual manner. We can also try to neutralize our instinctively negative feelings towards one another in order to help each other staying in the overlapping neutral, self-nullified zone, where our mutual love could unfold.
In terms of this “true love” there is no need for the lovers to directly love and accept each other unconditionally. But the lovers need to fully accept and build absolute, selfless, unconditional devotion and love towards the mutual goal, purpose they previously agreed upon.
They unconditionally fall in love with and altruistically serve that mutual goal, purpose they agreed on, made a covenant over.Thus when they feel hate, rejection that is also not the usual subjective rejection and hate directly towards one another, disliking the other’s personal qualities, characteristics or behavior.
“True hate” is the opposite of “true love”. It is a state when the person’s selfish, egocentric inclination, perception draws one out of that mutual, neutral zone, preventing the “lover” to enter under the “wedding canopy” in order to meet the beloved. They don’t hate one another directly but their inherently selfish, egoistic nature prevents them to exit the subjective, introverted, selfish spheres in order to enter the selfless, artistic mutual area.
In this world the faint and distant example of this mutual, selfless love is when parents put away their arguments, recurring hate in order to raise a child, or when members of a great family agree to meet above their differences, personal disputes in order to keep the family together.
These days when divorce rates are soaring and the majority of the children in western societies grow up in broken families, we can see that our egoistic, selfish inclination, drive to constantly prove ourselves over others at any cost has outgrown even the traditional ties of the family.
We could also consider professional sports teams, assembled together from pampered, overpaid and vain superstars, who put away their rivalry, mutual jealousy in order to form a mutually complementing team and win a championship together. They “love” each other as long as the championship lasts and their common goal forces them together. But sometimes, more frequently these days, their egos, their personal rivalry is so strong that even the attraction, aspiration towards their common goal is not enough to keep that “team love” intact.
So how could we build true, sustainable love in between people that would help them rise above their inherent nature, overcoming the instinctive self-serving, self-justifying inclination?
What could become that “mutual baby”, “prized championship” that could keep people above their “selves”?
We are simple creatures, we only act, move when a desire, aspiration forces us to give up rest and exert effort. All through human history we have been using the “animate desires” of food, sex and family, and the “social desires” of wealth, dominion and knowledge as motivational, developmental force.
But today these “conventional desires” are becoming exhausted, and instead of building unity, mutual cooperation through them they lead us astray into fragmentation, separation, protectionism instead. They are not suitable for building true love in between people.
As these desires are falling us and people are becoming increasingly frustrated, empty a new, truly humane desire is waking up which desire doesn’t exist in any other part of nature. We want to know the meaning of our lives, the purpose of our existence.
A New Being Born
In order to reveal the meaning of life and find our own purpose of existence first we need to enter and start attaining the system of reality around us “as it is”. Our problem is that due to our completely self-centered, introverted nature our perception of reality is fully subjective, projecting in front of us a reduced, highly filtered and distorted picture of the world. What we perceive around us is basically a personal 3D movie our selfish, egoistic movie projector.
In order to reveal, perceive, attain reality around us “as it is” we would need an objective, transparent observer. And for that we need to leave our introverted, self-centered, subjective corners.
And only the state, the overwhelming and indefensible emotions of “true love” are capable of washing one out of the subjective, selfish point of view. This is why we need to acquire the true, selfless and altruistic love, finding that mutual, neutral place, the “wedding canopy” in between us in order to acquire the objective observer status.
In that mutual space we have to conceive and gradually grow, educate our “mutual baby”, which is our own improved, selfless, altruistically loving “future form” that possesses the necessary objective perception of reality. This new baby, the real human being revealing and attaining the system of reality “as it is” doesn’t belong to any of us directly, but it is a new mutual creature comprised of our collective aspirations, yearnings and efforts towards our common, human purpose. Only those “supernatural” – above the instinctive, selfish and egoistic reason, desires – aspirations, desires enter the “wedding canopy”, or “incubator” and unite there giving birth to this new life.
When that selfless unity finally happens the desired true love engulfs, washes over those at present. This “true love” is not a human emotion but it is truly beyond what we can imagine or normally sense in this world.
Those working for, yearning to reveal the meaning of life and finding their purpose are as well diggers by their committed, unceasing mutual efforts. And when those efforts reach the necessity quantitative and qualitative depth an unprecedented, unimaginable “spring”, overwhelming loving, caring, life giving emotion, elementary force bursts through. The selfless, altruistic lovers in between them, in the overlapping area of self-annulment towards one another create an unprecedented empty space for nature’s evolutionary force to shine through.
Revelation, attainment is only possible through similarity of form. Since nature’s evolutionary force by its essence is pure, unconditional, altruistic love and bestowal, the inherently egoistic and selfish human nature is blocking it like large stone. But the selfless, altruistic mutual effort of these “mutual lovers” rolls, removes that stone from the opening of the well for this natural force to burst through.
As the ancient Wisdom expressed, “…husband and wife and the Creator in been them…”. As a result of their “supernatural”, effort, acquiring the selfless, altruistic, unconditional love in the center of their mutual self-annulment, through to achieved similarity these mutual lovers reveal nature’s evolutionary, creating force in been them.
And revealing this elementary, creating natural force is the meaning of life, while digging, freeing the unique well through which the life giving spring bursts forth is our human purpose in life.