We all yearn for love. It is love what keeps us alive even if we are not aware of it. In fact at this stage, as a result of our inherently self-serving, self-justifying nature we don’t even know what “true love” is. Instead we are getting by through “fish love”.
“Fish love” means that I love fish, more precisely I catch, kill and cook fish because it gives me fulfilment, because I like the tastes, many even like the process of catching the fish. When we “love” someone we operate by the same principles. We enjoy the process of catching the object of our desire, them when we catch them we sorry of “kill and cook them”, in other words subdue them, make them behave the way we want them to behave since the whole “love business” is about getting our own fulfilment, fulfilling our own desires.
If we examine it honestly even the most intimate love, the parents’ love towards their children is similar, it is self-serving, we want our children to make us proud, to become the adults we want them to become. We are not guilty in this process, it is our inherent nature that drives us to behave in such a way and as long as we follow our imprinted, instinctive software we can’t behave in don’t other way.
True love is something “supernatural”. This state is the selfless, altruistic, unconditional revelation and fulfilment of the desires of another without any selfish reward, calculation our even feedback. When I truly love another I cease to exist as I live inside of that other even if that other doesn’t even know. Actually the purest “true love” is when I serve another without the other ever knowing about it.
Our inherent nature, being completely self-centered, subjective, introverted can’t support such a “true love”. This state feels like “self-suicide” for our inherent self. Thus if one ever contemplates reaching “true love”, one would need to go through a special self-change, upgrade process giving one such “supernatural” abilities.
The Need For True Love
But why would any person in one’s right mind contemplate reaching such a capability when it is completely against logic, reason looking from our inherent standpoint? There are two reasons.
One reason is an evolutionary cause. Only reaching “true love”, interconnecting with one another in human societies through such selfless, altruistic, mutually fulfilling, complementing way do we merit long term, sustainable survival in a fully integrated and interdependent natural system we live in. Externally we are already aware of living in a global world, with increasing interdependence. But at the moment we area instinctively trying to run away from this, trying to separate, disengage.
We use virtual connections instead of physical ones, we try to hide behind multiple aliases. We are abandoning the classical family model and less and less people take on the commitment of having children. This global, integral world brought us too close, where our self-protective, individualistic reflexes instinctively started rejecting, hating others, fearing the ensuing interdependence.
Isolationism, racism, extremism, protectionism is on the rise both in between individuals and nations, we are approaching social break-up, wars as a result. The closer we are getting to one another as a result of the evolutionary necessity the greater the rejection, mutual hate grows. Thus we try to move away from each other as much as possible, as long as it is possible, while on the other hand it becomes clear that without mutual collaboration we will not be able to solve problems and survive.
The other reason for contemplating “true love” is a deeper, inner one. Those people who are wondering about, searching for the meaning of their lives learn after a while that in order to find that meaning they would need to integrate into the system of reality around us. And such integration is only possible by becoming similar to the qualities of the system.
And the system, being a fully integral natural one, is operating through “true love”, where all comprising elements – except humans – selflessly, altruistically “love one another”. They all unconditionally serve each other and the system, making calculations only for the sake of optimal balance, homeostasis, otherwise life as optimal development wouldn’t be possible. Thus one who wants to get to know the system, attaining one’s perfect complimentary role in it needs to acquire the matching qualities.
The Useful Hate
Thus for both above mentioned reasons we need to embark on acquiring “true love”. When we actually start making proactive efforts to give up our instinctive “self-love” for “love of others” we start to realize that the rejection, hate, disdain we have felt so far towards others is only a faint copy of “true hatred”, similarly to the false “fish love” compared to “true love”. True hate, true rejection, disdain only starts to wake up when we want to reach selfless, altruistic “love of others” with all of our might.
These pure discernments, conclusions objet become detectable, clear in a unique, closed “human laboratory” where a group of fully committed, but otherwise unconnected people start to make fully devoted efforts in order to acquire “love of others” over “self-love. If they follow the purposeful, practical method to the letter, and don’t run away regardless of all kinds of negative sensations, obstacles, temptations appearing they start to existence unprecedented emotional impressions.
The more effort they invest into their mutual work towards their collective goal of “love of others”, the more they start provoking, inciting their inherent nature. And in turn that previously dormant, instinctive self-loving, self-protecting nature starts to roar back with previously unfelt criticism, negative judgement, hate towards those others in the circle one try to build the selfless, altruistic “mutual guarantee” with.
And while these are very unpleasant sensations, especially since one fully committed oneself to stay within the circle regardless of disturbances, through the mutual support the participants van overcome them. As then this simmering, flaming mutual hate becomes their foundation fur teaching the all important “true love”.
The Final Demand
As mentioned above “true love” is supernatural, one needs to acquire it above and despite one’s inherent nature. Thus first of all such acquisition is impossible until one becomes fully aware of the whole palette, extent of the selfish, egoistic hate towards others one was born with. As a result the appearing, fully revealed “true hate” provides time starting point, the contrast.
Moreover since “true love” is not within one’s own possession, and we have no inherent capability of generating an emotional quality which is lacking from our default “DNA”, we need to request, demands it, we need to yearn fur our in an insatiable, irrepressible fashion. And the more we reveal “true hate” while we want to reach “true love of others”, the greater the contrast becomes in between our actual state and the state we want to reach, the greater yearning we build, the more effectively we can demand.
Thus it is the relentlessly obstructing, destructive inherent “true hate” is what becomes our greatest helper, providing the necessary foundations, contrast and the reason for time intolerable “love sickness”, yearning, silent cry from the bottom of our heart, meriting am answer.
As when we reach the final, perfect silent cry, a sense of “even death is better than living like this”, when everything else in life vanishes from the horizon except the goal of reaching “love of others”, then the response comes and we are rewarded with the necessary self-nullification, receiving a unique filter over our inherent nature, giving us the ability to act above self-love, selflessly, altruistically, only for the sake of others.
“True love” can only appear, triumph over “true hate”.